39. Safe Home
I cast this circle round about… Safety now is beyond doubt.
The Sun is in Pisces, and things in the world are askew. Stuff sure is surreal. And, you know, there’s (usually) this thing in me of Don’t speak unless you can do something to alleviate what is unless you can make sense of what’s happening or know for sure. Whether it applies here, whether it helps me sleep at night — I don’t know. Praying for people in sheer need who are vulnerable & at the mercy of megalomaniacs seems like little to say … War is the bane of our higher intelligences. Power baffles me. How can you be evil when you got it so good? None of my discourse is serving. I know this.
Issuing these preambles & disclaimers is sticky/tricky, it’s been on my mind.
You care, you feel the roughness of the situation and you’re not sure what to do, you’re not interested in how you come off as — you’re writing about personal things, and this is on your mind so how can you not include it even if it doesn’t make sense for your work? Do we have to censor ourselves all the time? Put on a brave face, and ignore one side to focus on the other? There’s no answer to this. … it’s crazy that all of this is happening in real-time. That we’re all so connected, things feel unreal, sort of guarded & limited by filters and screens. The right things to say. The right things to express. The right things to feel. Why can’t we be, messily?
This is also an essay, and I decided that after the last one, it made sense to me to write about my induction into the sacred art of meditation, my journey then & journey since. The following paragraphs explore why I chose to write about meditation for the time, and also, kinda connects it to the energy of Pisces, which is the astrological season we are currently transiting through.
Pisces is the last sign in the astrology wheel, associated with the Twelfth House. This House revolves around the Realm of Shadows. D r e a m s. It governs illusory aspects including one’s intuitions, matters of the ethereal, hidden things, and such. Co-ruled by the planets Jupiter & Neptune, the traits of Pisces make more sense to me now, than I perceived before. I believe Jupiter is known for his wisdoms & winning thinking, and a capacity to expand in evolutionary ways beyond what Jupiter knows and based on what He’s recently tucked into. Neptune, on the other hand, governs illusory aspects & wisps. F a n t a s i e s. The Unspoken.
Before I properly delved into astrology, I thought Aquarius was a Water sign for the longest time & whenever I think of that, it’s funny to me now How little I knew. What I feel is even more interesting to admit is that Pisces, to me, feels more Air than the Water that it is, and I suppose this comes from its enlightened & equally naïve nature… The energy of Pisces can be described as creative, dreamy, floaty, imaginative & intuitive, and yet, it does not take away from its brilliant ‘mind qualities.’ I feel like these almost opposite traits combine & work superbly to lend Pisces that ‘dual core’ Mutable nature. In being the Twelfth sign, what with the experiences they’ve been through — starting with the Fool’s journey (Aries), delving into realms aplenty (Taurus through to Aquarius) — acquiring skills & wisdoms, losing and walking away from that which doesn’t serve — it’s a lot to arrive at the end, upholding all 11 Lessons. Rest is necessary. Spiritual sustenance too. The Pisces sigil is so representative of that. Abundance, balance & spirituality. Things in twos. As above, so below.
The time, personally (regarding where I am at, emotionally, in my head & the Higher Realms), felt right to talk about a self-care ritual I have come to value as much as I do — journalling. Meditation wasn’t something I actively sought out to do. In fact, prior to my current relationship with it — I barely gave meditating any thought. As a practice, I believed it wouldn’t suit (or heh, soothe) me because my over-thinking was rampant and at times, out of coherent control. I don’t scoff at my past self for this, it’s just I don’t think I could’ve appreciated or understood it enough, back then. I didn’t know what self-care was, for starters. Had I chosen to have given meditation a shot, I don’t know what my experience or relationship with it would have been. Perhaps I would have been impatient and written it off citing it as not for me. All I can share with you now is that I feel grateful to have meditation as a tool in my life, to commit to it not because of what it does for me — what it means to me too.
To say meditation “took care” of me in the way that it alleviated heart-hurts & made them go away would be stretching the truth. I believed differently though in 2020 when I just got into meditation. It had an especially profound and positive impact on my mental wellbeing — but like anything else, ‘bad days’ and your rough moments don’t dissipate with time. The way they affect you definitely does, not the memory or Lesson itself. And this is good because in remembering or recalling, we come to note what was amiss. Why change came calling, why that bolt of Lightning worked for you & with you, and not against. Our opinions, stances and views are usually steadfast in essence — given time, things ferment and hopefully, evolve. ‘Understanding’ gets better, when you allow for (the right* kinda) evolving & revolutionizing within — upgrades, as they say.
*you’ll feel it in your bones.
Circling back to… Life-changing moments feel life-changing in hindsight than when they are happening in real-time. Though, as was the case for me, I took to meditation from the get-go. From the very first meditation I chose to do & completed, there was a spark in me where perception and perspective fused. Lips, kissed. Like: this hits, and I’m in. This was one of those times when I felt the radiant Mother smiling at me as if to say it’s good to see you trying things.
I know this may appear insincere, and believe me, it feels insincere, when you are on the outside looking in but yeah, it is different when you dive into said thing, completely bias-free and outside of any influence (except your own). Whether this is something you do too, I believe we tend to stay away from things based on how we were advised to do those things, how we were convinced or lured… Like I think the Sources it comes from matters. Say it’s a teacher you can’t take to, who decidedly dislikes you as well — can you imagine being open to a forcefield like that, let alone like the message being brought forth through them? Even if it is ordinarily a subject that speaks to your soul. Timing is everything, and unfortunately, we are only human and can’t always perceive that or learn to see the Lesson despite where it bursts forth from. Discernment and neutrality can serve us very well in such cases, so even now — as the part-times-obstinate person I can be — I feel able to note when people put forth their suggestions sneakily or because there’s Heart behind that. Delivery is telling. To sum it up somewhat, I am sure other people talked about meditation — it’s just that I wasn’t tuned in so whether I heard them or not, I wouldn’t have thought much about it. I may have been more open to it in 2020 (when it all began) because I was already looking into these things — taking my mental health seriously, and all that. Again, this toolkit keeps me feeling ready to sort of seize the day, as they say, but it doesn’t mean that doing it daily or after a considerable period — I have been able to vanquish all my vices. No. No, no, no. It’s maintenance, and it’s getting to work with all sides of me — not just the ones I deem worthy. Together, we persist.
Before I say Hasta la vista, here is a breakdown-kinda breakdown on what meditating looks like for me. Should you be looking to kickstart or restart your meditation journey, as the case may be, I hope my verbosity is serving and not unhelpful.
How I Meditate
Most resources and teachers will guide you to find a secluded spot, one where you will be undisturbed for the duration of the meditation you choose to do. I like a comfortable place to rest or seat my limbs, & whereby I can my posture up straight comfortably. I sometimes sit on a cushion on the floor, but mostly on a bed — whilst crossing my legs in a Sukhasana pose (I just learned this word, by the way… I was gonna say “Indian style”). A word… Please do not combine other activities with meditating.
When to Meditate
In the morning! At night! Any time will do, whatever feels right. I meditate, during the day, before bathing & before I get to work at my computer desk. Meditating at night is something I do, rarely, since I don’t sleep alone. That being said, sleep meditations provide quite the relief, and I almost always am rendered blissfully knocked out. Meditating in the morning is perhaps most powerful, it can help you ground and set the tone (somewhat) for the day ahead of you.
Self-care, Before & After
Bathing is great, very meditational in itself. Warm water is a noted alleviator to some extent, and you can soothe yourself further through the accompaniments of essential oils & soaking salts (I always swirl some around in my bucket water). Nothing like it. Exercising or walking is great too, skip any musical aids though. Journalling can precede or follow your meditating session. I have noticed that my journalling is more extensive and interesting after a meditation sesh, because of the insights, memories, perspectives, or thoughts filtering in during my still state.
Choosing a Meditation
As someone still somewhat newish to meditation, I prefer guided meditations. I have experimented with shorter non-guided sessions but anything too long, I fear (when not guided) can make me feel antsy, restless or ah, sleepy. There are so many different kinds of meditations to choose from, and we truly are spoiled for choice. Take advantage! (Practise discernment, of course, see which resources align with your values and fit the season of Life you are currently in. Some teachers might call to you, others won’t — all fair.) When things feel very chaotic, and I feel likely to be easily distracted, I choose short meditations, something simple. I have felt equally thrilled at being able to complete and sufficiently enjoy long meditations — I haven’t ever gone up to an hour — maybe that’ll change in 2022. : ) The channels I frequent: ediyasmr, Meditative Mind, Jessica Heslop, Michelle Chalfant.
What to Expect, Going in
I would say, if you are giving this a shot, go in, expecting nothing. Go in with the thought that this is something new you are interested in — in terms of looking into for yourself. See what the fuss is about. You might decide immediately it’s not for you or you might feel then & there that this is something you might like to explore. Whatever it is, go in because you feel called, not because you got coerced. Oh, and don’t be weirded if thoughts don’t stop. They’re not meant to. Meditation helps your thoughts form freely without any negative back-chat on our part or us trying to stuff away things. Strange things might occasionally pop in there — say, your dreams for the future, that Lover or yesteryear friend you don’t speak with anymore etc. It is okay. Don’t let what is making you feel squeamish stop you. Hold your metaphorical hand, and persevere on — at least for the duration of the first session you decide to do. If it feels much too much jarring, stop. Maybe the time isn’t right. Maybe you’re not in the right frame of mind to give yourself this gift of stillness. It’s ok, Friend.
P.S. Is regular music meditational?
YES. — I wouldn’t have thought it, before, but I do now. Songs can open up portals in you. Inspiration hits. Messages come through if you allow them to enter, unfiltered. Certain things might strike you, stand out and start to click. Mind you, it’s all relative to the Time you’re in. Sometimes you might hear the same song, and a different interpretation comes slinking its way in. Whatever it is, I welcome it. It’s gotten to a point of this being fun for me, and it helps me in my work too.
With that… Goodbye, God Bless, Be well.
♡
Thank you for reading.
A note: Let it be known that much as it’d be sweet, that you feel welcome here, experiences and views expressed on Rosewater. are deeply, truly, madly personal. (Unless stated otherwise.) Should they strike a chord with your own musings and reflections, that’s lovely, and if not, that’s cool too. This collection contains no facts, solo personal musings and truths.
