Silver Linings Playbook
The tide is high but I’m holding on.
This afternoon put me in what I can describe as a floaty, imaginative and lucid state that I felt welcoming of and towards. May has been a tearjerker for me feat. oodles of releasing, feeling and healing. Tears flow in plenitude, and this is good, considering my history and journey with vulnerability. I used to pride myself on being a tough cookie in the outside world when it came to my ‘expression’ — I was vigilant to the point of not even letting a tear drop down my face whilst watching a sad scene or something on the TV when with others. The real sad scene, aren’t I right? In the times when I lost my cool and was not able to control my anger or frustration or simply — the sads, I rarely brought it up after with the folks who witnessed my outpouring no matter if these people were family, friends or myself. Well, how the turntables! I know it is okay to cry, I knew it then too (?) and I don’t know what I thought I was protecting, as a young ’un. I do, but yeah, you might have an inkling of what I mean. Also, crying in public when you’re alone and surrounded by strangers hits different. It depends on the situation and where you are, emotionally. I like that there are well-meaning, sympathetic folks around who might politely inquire and at best — offer you a tissue, and others who respect you enough to subtly acknowledge that ‘your heart is probably breaking in real time’ and you can cry in the café or in the rain or on the train if you want to and no one will say a word. I don’t know if this is just commonplace in bustling cities or a universal thing but I am for it. Crying is beautifully human. I’m on a trip, don’t mind me.
Silver Linings Playbook is a title that felt right for this essay because: a) I am thinking of silver linings, and b) I have been looking up a lot! & seeing the aforementioned ‘silver lining.’ It is a real thing. Look up! What’s cooler — well, to me — is that I happened to read one of my December 2021 journals, the other day, and Clouds was one of the cards I pulled on the last day of the year and I added notes like Things are temporary, and that I should always look up. I didn’t recall pulling this card nor writing what I did, you know the rest. The rains have not fully graced us here in Mumbai (it isn’t the season, naturally) — the skies have been very overcast, this past week — blindingly white in the best possible way. Silver linings. What I associate with this mindset is similar to my looking on the bright side — it’s about accepting what is (after or during said processing), taking what you have got and moving forward. Not dismissively or ignorantly or unfeelingly — just in the way that the Wheel is yet turning. So are you.
So, when I say playbook, am I talking about a specific one you could consider crafting for yourself? Maybe? See, it’s the title I liked because it fits with what I have been thinking, with the things going on — not just now but leading up to this time — you can make a book of what this might be for you. A collection of self-care rituals that help you, wise words that get you through, jokes, sweet moments, pictures — a handbook for yourself, for the times. My journals form this book for me, partly, I don’t have a dedicated playbook. I would love to make one. It would be fully cool. ◡̈ I borrowed this apt smiley from Kristen Drozdowski’s lovely newsletter that I am subscribed to.
I usually write as I speak and what I hope to address via this piece of heartfelt writing (well, all of my writing is impassioned, I’d hope, or comes off that way because I mean every word) is that this perspective… These insights coming my way… All the releasing and feeling and healing — I consider them blessings in disguise. It is what the New Moon in Taurus transit on April 30 (this year) brought my way. It is about ‘context vigilance’ and validating truths for myself. If validating your truths is new for you, I encourage you to try it.
The Air transits, particularly — Gemini season, are, in part, hard for me (Libra season is more chill and fun) … But lately, I am appreciating the ‘mental focus’ that Geminine transits seemingly push me towards or into. As of this transit, I feel an ‘out of my head, into the world’ energy. I say this all the time about many different transits but it is true — I feel like I am on the brink of a new life, and I could not have gotten here if not for seasons past and what they brought me. Cycles are closing out, completing, and new beginnings are in the offing. I am understanding what it means to be in patience, to trust the Timing (because oh, Lord, I can say it is definitely Divine). Truth transcends illusion, and the Towers falling are only affirming what I already knew — like the outcomes may not have been what I originally desired or imagined for myself but they’re in my favour. Almost as though they are changing and being tweaked, just as I am evolving. It hurts, it works out, it’s the way of Spirit.
P.S. A journalling prompt I am going to be tucking into for this time is What are you releasing now that needs to be fully felt? I heard it on my fave, Lisa Houle’s YouTube channel (She’s the Moon and Sun, wrapped up into one — just my inside joke).
God Bless You
Thank you for reading.
A note: Let it be known that much as it’d be sweet, that you feel welcome here, experiences and views expressed on Rosewater. are deeply, truly, madly personal. (Unless stated otherwise.) Should they strike a chord with your own musings and reflections, that’s lovely, and if not, that’s cool too. This collection contains no facts, solo personal musings and truths.